it truly, truly hurts to not be doing the things you love.
years ago one of my best friends and I developed a new philosophy called The Brilliant Fire. in my 20's and born of this philosophy one of my personal mantras became "have a good time all the time." nearly double the years down the line a mantra is now "there is work to be done."
when year-end approaches it is human nature to review the past 365. I would say I personally accomplished (to my satisfaction) about 50 percent of the things I said I would. I was talking to Josh about this the other night and had understandably mixed feelings about this. the worst part was I realized I had set no goals (I'm not talking about "resolutions" here) for the coming new year at the time. I think that has changed.
the things I love to be doing, especially the thing I want to be doing most, are not impossible by any means. there are just too many ways I make it harder on myself than necessary. some changes need to be made for the better of it, independent of sensitivities and identities. once the viking helmet goes on and I devote my time to action and progress I am sure it will be at the top of next year's list of accomplishments.
when i was a child, i had NO dreams of what i wanted to do/be when i "grew up." my only dream was to fall in love and to be loved back in a way that made me shiver.
ReplyDeleteit took me a lotta tries, but here i am. my only childhood goal achieved.
in many ways, this is an incredible thing.
but it's also sort of difficult, too. because, that accomplished, i still have come up with no new goals.
there really isn't anything i want to do.
it's creepy, actually, and i'm trying to sort that out. i want to want to do things.
i'd be happy to have not accomplished anything else that i wanted to do, if only i had that feeling of wanting again...