Friday, December 10, 2010

breaking the fourth wall

this is the point in the movie when I turn to the camera and start talking to the audience. or something like that.

it truly, truly hurts to not be doing the things you love.

years ago one of my best friends and I developed a new philosophy called The Brilliant Fire. in my 20's and born of this philosophy one of my personal mantras became "have a good time all the time." nearly double the years down the line a mantra is now "there is work to be done."

when year-end approaches it is human nature to review the past 365. I would say I personally accomplished (to my satisfaction) about 50 percent of the things I said I would. I was talking to Josh about this the other night and had understandably mixed feelings about this. the worst part was I realized I had set no goals (I'm not talking about "resolutions" here) for the coming new year at the time. I think that has changed.

the things I love to be doing, especially the thing I want to be doing most, are not impossible by any means. there are just too many ways I make it harder on myself than necessary. some changes need to be made for the better of it, independent of sensitivities and identities. once the viking helmet goes on and I devote my time to action and progress I am sure it will be at the top of next year's list of accomplishments.

1 comment:

  1. when i was a child, i had NO dreams of what i wanted to do/be when i "grew up." my only dream was to fall in love and to be loved back in a way that made me shiver.
    it took me a lotta tries, but here i am. my only childhood goal achieved.
    in many ways, this is an incredible thing.
    but it's also sort of difficult, too. because, that accomplished, i still have come up with no new goals.
    there really isn't anything i want to do.
    it's creepy, actually, and i'm trying to sort that out. i want to want to do things.
    i'd be happy to have not accomplished anything else that i wanted to do, if only i had that feeling of wanting again...