"Hold Fast, Young Man."

halfway to eighty, or four tens. two twenties? anyway I look at it, it's hard to believe.

mom was having a hard time believing it too. yesterday Poppy wanted to make some plans. with my birthday coming up soon I had been wanting to do a sort of 40 year laundry list and I woke up thinking about it.

unfortunately I must say I have failed at almost everything I have been striving for by the time I hit 40. I'm not going to make a list after all.

but I am very glad to be alive! and at least I can make Poppy laugh sometimes. that is the most important thing I do have. it feels like a miracle finally that failing at love isn't on my list for once. I hope Lena and Owen always think I'm fun too.

and for my birthday there is really only one thing I want. that I let myself want. because want is a dangerous thing. the only thing I want, and have ever wanted, is to make music to share with world. that everybody can enjoy and have a good time with.

from the moment I hit the first chord with Josh and Ryan, it's the only time my soul feels free and right.

I sure had a lot more to say about all this, but it sure is hard!

I hope I am able to do some good works for people in my 40th year and beyond.

adventures of the human man

how can such a tiny girl be such a huge bed hog? it is baffling! it's okay, I was up from the rain anyway.

a few weeks ago one of the weirdest things ever happened to me. I was sitting on the couch, totally relaxing and not even moving. Poppy was standing in front of me talking to me, and was witness to this...just sitting there when all of a sudden there was a very loud POP sound. I mean loud. like a popping muffled bang. it was one of the bones in my right arm exploding. I don't know how it happened. like I said I wasn't even moving. my arm was just resting on the armrest. it hurt immediately. shortly after that my left shin starting getting hot on the inside. really hot. like the bones in there were melting. for a minute I started to worry I was going to spontaneously combust. but I didn't.

my arm swelled up and hurt like a sonofabitch for quite a while. it had to be a hairline fracture at least. I broke my left arm in my youth and it felt the same. I could move my wrist up and down fine but if I twisted it from side to side it was horrible pain. it gradually has felt better. I played a show this past weekend and it didn't give me any trouble.

maybe it's just powers trying to get out. it was pretty weird though.

animals

so many people are preoccupied with overstimulation and beng cool and being consumers they forget what is truly precious. it is hard to feel sorry for them when it turns their personalities foul.

my own shortcomings are weak too. I truly hope there are some good people in the world who will save the tigers. there are literally hardly any left in the wilds of the world. my god what a world that would be.