amen

when I was much younger, I had four deeply soul-shaking, very real, affirming, beautiful, inexplicable, true spiritual experiences. three when I was a very young child that were so true and personal that I will never tell anyone in detail about them and one later in my teenage years that scared the life right back into me. they are very beautiful experiences that have given me comfort and inspiration and a stonghold in myself many times, and it is a shame when I let that slowly slip away.

I have never tried to talk to anyone about what they should or shouldn't or do or don't believe or have faith in.

it's strange and can be disheartening as years pass and sometimes I feel less close to miracles as the loss of innocence clouds the heart, mind, and soul.

I'm not sure I really know how to pray. I don't pray for help because it seems so selfish. mostly I just wish the world and everyone in it and all the animals and plants and waters and lands could be okay.

the thing is I'm really twisting in the wind. I am really up against it. I don't know what to do or really what I'm doing. and it's not even doubt that beats me down.

it's better to try to forget it and really count my blessings and try to do things for people I love so hopefully they won't have to worry what it's like to feel that way.